No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she woke up with a sticky ear
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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