Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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