she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i came on her dog
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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