Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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