Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize