he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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