I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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