you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
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Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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