so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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