So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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