i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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