just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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