she was so not down for the gang bang
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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