so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you never un-have a 4some
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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