I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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