I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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