i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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