Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize