remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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