Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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