She is in my trunk
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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