I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize