you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
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I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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