remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize