you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize