I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i've created a new STD.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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