I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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