Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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