My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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