Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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