so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
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