3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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