she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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