Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize