i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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