We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
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My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
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Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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