Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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