Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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