I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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