you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
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She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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