I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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