There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
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I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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