so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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