Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
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is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
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At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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