last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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