my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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