I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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