My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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