Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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