i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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